


a heart repeating, beating

by jeremyknox



Series: some impressions stay (and some will fade away) [1]
Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 08:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7215613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeremyknox/pseuds/jeremyknox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he was a child, powers never seemed like magic to Neil. He could see them on the television, read about them in books, at best see people using them from a distance, like the telekinetic woman at the park. But any closer and there’d be no powers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a heart repeating, beating

**Author's Note:**

> oops this sucks and was written super fast and i didn't even reread it so i'm sorry for all the mistakes and typos.

I.

“It’s like magic,” Neil hears a little boy cry out from outside. “Look, mommy, it’s like magic!” He looks out the big tainted glass windows of the coffee shop he’s at to see a woman doing telekinetic tricks at the park across the street while children around her stare in awe. 

Neil sighs, then goes back to stare at the people in the coffee shop, feeling guilty when he sees a teenager making hand gestures and looking frustrated, probably worried and wondering why her powers aren’t working.

When he was a child, powers never seemed like magic to Neil. He could see them on the television, read about them in books, at best see people using them from a distance, like the telekinetic woman at the park. But any closer and there’d be no powers.

He sighs again, runs his hand through his hair, tries to remember the last time he dyed it black, if he needs to keep doing it now his father’s dead, if he wants to keep doing it anyway. The bell on the door rings and he looks up to see a man entering the coffee shop and looking around until he spots Neil. Then he walks at his direction.

  

II. 

The school, Wymack told him, is meant to help him control his powers. There’s a place for any gifted teenager there, to learn control. Neil doesn’t think his powers can be controlled. He doesn’t even feel them, they were always just there.

They were there when his mother died at his birth because she was supposed to heal herself after anything so no one even tried to help her when she started to bleed out. They were there when his father tried to steal people’s powers by killing them and it just wasn’t working. They were there when he saw a girl jumping off a building in front of a crowd and everyone was surprised when she didn’t get up after a while because she was supposed to be immortal.

Not to say his powers never helped anyone, but when he tries to sleep, late at night, those are always the moments that replay over and over again in his mind, his father carving out his chest in anger when he finally realized Neil did have powers and what they were, people not being able to use the powers they’ve had all their lives and getting hurt while he was around.

So Neil doesn’t think his powers can be controlled, but he wants. He wants so much he nods and accepts the offer and grabs the one duffel bag filled with everything he owns and goes to South Carolina.

 

III. 

Neil remembers Kevin from when they were young. Three or four years old, a little after his father found out about his powers, a little before the worst of the abuse really started. Kevin, with his dark hair and green eyes, with the number two written in permanent marker on his left cheekbone. Kevin, never alone, always a step or two behind Riko. There’s no Riko anymore.

“Hey,” Kevin says. “Nice to meet you, I’m Kevin.” Neil shakes his hand like they never met before, smiles like he means it, introduces himself for the first time since he became Neil.

Behind Kevin, two twin brothers stand with the same blonde hair and the same bone structure, but looking completely different. One of them catches his eye and Neil doesn’t know what to think, never had to worry about getting along with anyone since he never intended to spend much time anywhere he went before.

“I’m Nicky,” Another boy says and Neil looks to his left to see a smiley looking guy extending his hand. “And you look great.” One of the twins snorts at that.

 

IV.

Kevin doesn’t think Neil is trying hard enough. Kevin complains and whines and tells Neil he needs to work harder. There’s nothing else Neil can do. He spends nights awake meditating, trying to find the power inside himself or some other bullshit Kevin throws at him. Nothing works.

Andrew doesn’t trust him. Andrew doesn’t trust him or likes him, but is never far away. Nicky tells Neil Andrew is suspicious because he can’t read his mind, but relieved that he doesn’t need to know what anyone’s thinking when he’s around. Andrew’s not so good at controlling his powers either.

They tell him Kevin can run faster than light speed. They tell him Dan and Matt have weightlifting competitions with cars. They tell him Renee turns invisible and appears out of nowhere just to scare people. He never sees it because they can never do that around him.

He sits on the floor of his room, Andrew next him, and tell truths and lies and truths and lies and never tells Andrew what is what. Andrew doesn’t believe any of it, rolls his eyes, tells him he hates him. People look at them weird.

 

V.

Andrew doesn’t understand why Neil’s trying so hard to get a grip on his powers, tells him it’s useless. Andrew drinks and smokes and doesn’t try at all to control his own powers. Neil knows what people think of Andrew so he can only imagine how many times Andrew had to know people were thinking of him as a monster. He doesn’t think he’d be able to take it.

It’s months before Andrew trusts him enough to tell about his own life, his own scars, the foster families he’s stayed with while growing up, about knowing what Drake wanted to with him since day one and never being able to say anything because Drake could control people’s minds, could make Andrew let him do anything. Neil realizes Andrew doesn’t understand why Neil hates his power since he would have loved to have the same one growing up.

Neil doesn’t understand why Andrew doesn’t try at all. Neil stays when Andrew tells him to go, runs when Andrew tells him to stay, never says the right thing, lies and lies and says he’s fine when he’s not. But he also tells him about being Nathaniel and about his dad and about running away. He keeps waiting for the day Andrew will be done with him for real. It never arrives.

They start smoking together on the roof of the dorm building, arms brushing when the sun’s setting, Andrew refusing to look at him, Neil refusing to look away.

 

VI.

Matt and Dan found each other because they shared the same power, knew the other would understand their issues about being supposedly gifted. But Dan was hard where Matt was soft and Matt was understanding where Dan was sharp edges all around. They sat together on the couch and watched movies and kissed and let Neil stay like he wasn’t a bother, laughed when they tried to use their powers and it wouldn’t work.

“Man,” Matt tells him one day, completely drunk, laughing, throwing his arm around Neil’s shoulders. “It’s so great that you’re here, Josten.” Neil can’t help but smile a little at him.

“Yeah?” He asks.

“Yeah, man, it’s the greatest. Don’t have to worry about breaking everything when I’m drunk. You should drink, man. Hey, can anyone pour a shot for Neil? The kid is stone cold sober.” Neil’s never felt happier before. He realizes he never felt happy at all before. Matt squeezes him and Neil feels his shoulder crack.

 

VII.

It keeps happening at random times and Neil doesn’t know what he’s doing. Sometimes he goes to the gym unannounced and Kevin falls from the treadmill because he can’t keep up with the speed and sometimes he sits with Allison and she changes her eye color out of nowhere like it’s nothing.

Kevin complains, complains, complains, until Andrew shows up with bottles of vodka and gin and whisky and gives him something to do to forget about Neil’s shortcomings. 

Once, Neil walks into Aaron juggling shot glasses with his mind, showing off his telekinesis to everyone, sits on the arm of the couch next to Katelyn and just wonders how amazing would it be if he had been able to see that kind of stuff when he was younger. He realizes his father wouldn’t have let him.

The glasses all fall. Renee helps him clean up.

 

VIII.

Nicky sits with him once and tells him about his boyfriend in Germany, and his homophobic parents, and his religious upbringing. He hears what it’s like growing up with no powers in a family full of mostly gifted kids, how he never felt he would make his parents proud, but in the end it didn’t matter because he made himself proud.

Allison tells him how her parents kicked her out once they found out she had powers, how they didn’t think it was normal and how they thought she should keep it a secret, but she liked it too much to care.

Renee tells him about falling with the wrong crowd when she was younger. Matt talks about his former drug addiction. Dan talks about her time stripping when she was barely old enough to drive. Kevin tells him about Riko.

Neil realizes they’re all just as fucked up as he is. Andrew gives him a key.

 

 IX.

Realizing his powers stop when he’s happy doesn’t help him a lot. He’s not always happy. Nobody’s always happy. Kevin tells him that it’s just the first step and he’ll probably be able to control his powers all the time if he tries hard enough. 

He tries hard. He does anything his teachers tell him to do, does anything Kevin tells him to do, nothing works when he’s not happy.

After a few months he can control his powers when he’s happy, use them or not use them, depending on what he wants. He actually feels his powers inside of him. He hopes that’s enough.

He sits on the roof with Andrew, smokes, doesn’t say anything. Andrew doesn’t say anything, but stares at him longer than he ever did, longer than what could be considered comfortable for anyone, asks “yes or no?”. Neil says yes.

  

X.

Neil can actually feel Andrew inside of his mind, reading his thoughts, hearing the _you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me_ in repeat in his brain because that’s all he can think when their chests are brushing and their hands are intertwined and their tongues are touching. _Thank you, thank you, thank you, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me_. 

“I hate you,” Andrew says, but gives him a kiss. 

“I hate you,” Andrew says, but drags him to bed, asks “yes or no?”.

 _It’s always yes with you_ , Neil thinks.


End file.
